Here are a few Items we've picked up from different places that should help the parents understand what youth sports are all about.

• Parental Support - The Key to Peak Performance
• Top Ten Things Parents Don't Get About Kids and Sports
• 6 Things a Parent Should Say to Their Player
• Top Ten Reasons To Be A Designated Good Sport
• Tips for Parents from the Coach
• A Letter to His Parents
• About Dogs and Other Pets

Parental Support - The Key to Peak Performance

Thanks to Jeff Pill, New Hampshire Soccer association Director of Coaching Coaches.

The role that parents play in the life of a soccer player has a tremendous impact on their experience. With this in mind, we have taken some time to write down some helpful reminders for all of us as we approach the upcoming season. If you should have any questions about these thoughts, please feel free to discuss it with us, the coaches.

Let the coaches coach: Leave the coaching to the coaches. This includes motivating, psyching your child for practice, after game critiquing, setting goals, requiring additional training, etc. You have entrusted the care of your player to these coaches and they need to be free to do their job. If a player has too many coaches, it is confusing for him and his performance usually declines.

Support the program: Get involved. Volunteer. Help out with fund-raisers, car-pool; anything to support the program.

Be you child's best fan: Support your child unconditionally. Do not withdraw love when your child performs poorly. Your child should never have to perform to win your love.

Support and root for all players on the team: Foster teamwork. Your child's teammates are not the enemy. When they are playing better than your child, your child now has a wonderful opportunity to learn.

Do not bribe or offer incentives: Your job is not to motivate. Leave this to the coaching staff. Bribes will distract your child from properly concentrating in practice and game situations.

Encourage your child to talk with the coaches: If your child is having difficulties in practice or games, or can't make a practice, etc., encourage them to speak directly to the coaches. This "responsibility taking" is a big part of becoming a big-time player. By handling the off-field tasks, your child is claiming ownership of all aspects of the game - preparation for as well as playing the game.

Understand and display appropriate game behavior: Remember, your child's self esteem and game performance is at stake. Be supportive, cheer, be appropriate. To perform to the best of his abilities, a player needs to focus on the parts of the game that they can control (his fitness, positioning, decision making, skill, aggressiveness, what the game is presenting them). If he starts focusing on what he can not control (the condition of the field, the referee, the weather, the opponent, even the outcome of the game at times), he will not play up to his ability. If he hears a lot of people telling him what to do, or yelling at the referee, it diverts his attention away from the task at hand.

Monitor your child's stress level at home: Keep an eye on the player to make sure that they are handling stress effectively from the various activities in his life.

Monitor eating and sleeping habits: Be sure your child is eating the proper foods and getting adequate rest.

Help your child keep his priorities straight: Help your child maintain a focus on schoolwork, relationships and the other things in life beside soccer. Also, if your child has made a commitment to soccer, help him fulfill his obligation to the team.

Reality test: If your child has come off the field when his team has lost, but he has played his best, help him to see this as a "win". Remind him that he is to focus on "process" and not "results". His fun and satisfaction should be derived from "striving to win". Conversely, he should be as satisfied from success that occurs despite inadequate preparation and performance.

Keep soccer in its proper perspective: Soccer should not be larger than life for you. If your child's performance produces strong emotions in you, suppress them. Remember your relationship will continue with your children long after their competitive soccer days are over. Keep your goals and needs separate from your child's experience.

Have fun: That is what we will be trying to do! We will try to challenge your child to reach past their "comfort level" and improve themselves as a player, and thus, a person. We will attempt to do this in environments that are fun, yet challenging. We look forward to this process. We hope you do to!

Top 10 Things Parents Don't Get About Kids and Sports

During car rides to games or practice, kids don't want you to tell them how to do this or that. "I am not stupid," said one 12-year-old. "I know how to play the sport I play". Kids can get psyched for a game without your help. "I hate when parents say, "Are you ready? We're going to win," like they're playing said one kid.

It is your duty as a parent to sit quietly and watch your kid do wonderful things. Kids get bummed out when you miss games or yak it up too much with friends in the stands. "We're sweating and playing the game, and they're busy socializing," complained one girl.

If you don't know what you're talking about, kids don't want you to talk. Typical comments: "Parents think they know the rules, but they don't." "My mom asks annoying questions." And "I hate when my mom tells me to do things even when she doesn't know the first thing about sports."

Even if you do know what you're talking about, kids don't want you to talk (unless you're the coach). "I hate when parents tell us to do the exact opposite of what the coaches say," said one child. Added another: "If your parent isn't the coach, he or she shouldn't try to be one."

Kids wish you would practice what you preach about sportsmanship. "My mom always wants me to be a good sport, but a lot of the time she blames the loss on the ref,"claimed one kid. "Arguing with the refs is not only embarrassing, but it takes up time," said another.

Kids often can't hear you yelling when they're concentrating on the game. Sometimes, they can. Either way, they don't like it. "Parents yell advice you don't hear because you're so into playing the game. Afterward they say, 'Why didn't you listen to me?'" complained one child. Said others: "I feel embarrassed when my parents yell so loud that the whole town can hear," and "They yell and scream and look like dorks."

After they lose, kids don't want to be told it doesn't matter. Typical reactions: "I hate when we get knocked out of the playoffs and my parents say, 'You'll get them next time!'" and "When parents try to cheer you up after a loss, al they do is remind you of the score."

After they lose, kids don't want to be told that it does matter. "Parents take losses harder than we do," wrote one boy. Advised one girl: "You win some, you lose some, no big deal! Get over it!"

Kids just want to have fun. Parents just don't get this, kids say. Many kids say they would rather play on a losing team than sit on the bench on a winning one. Some would like to skip practice once in a while. "The thing that bugs me the most is that my parents take it too seriously," summed up one child. "They act like it's school."

The 6 Things Parents Should Say to Their Player

by Bruce Brownlee / USSF "C" License
U15G Tophatters 00 Gold
Tophat Soccer Club - Atlanta, GA

A lot of soccer parents with good intentions give a 30 minute lecture, covering all the players supposed deficiencies and giving playing advice, in the car on the way to each match. The kids arrive far off their optimal mental state, and dreading the critique they are likely to hear, whether they want it or not, on the way home.

Kids who are massaged in this way tend not to play badly, they just tend to not play, possibly to avoid making mistakes. The easiest way to detect this problem is just to ask the player if it is a problem. Kids are more than willing to share this grief. The easiest way to correct this problem is to speak to the parents, as a group, about your expectations, and to cover this as a routine problem. Many of the parents will recognize themselves if you can present this problem with humor and illustrate the importance of the kids having fun and arriving in a good state of mind.

For best results, parents should memorize and use the following.

Before the Match

• I love you
• Good luck
• Have fun

After the Match

• I love you
• It was great to see you play
• What would you like to eat?

Top Ten Reasons To Be A Designated Good Sport

• Because taunting, trash talk and intimidating behavior have no place in youth sports.

• Your admission is to watch the performance of highly-impressionable kids -- not a license to abuse coaches, officials, players and other spectators.
• You want others to treat you the way you want to be treated -- and how many of us want to be treated with disrespect?
• We need more positive role models for our kids.
• People don't always remember the final score -- but they always remember the fan on the touchline who made a fool our of him or herself.
• Because coaches and officials are also teachers. Why would you harass them in their classroom?
• A national survey indicates kids play sports to have fun, not to be number one!
• It's how you play the game that counts.
• It's simply the right thing to do.
• Because sportsmanship begins with you!
• Good Sports Are Winners!
  

Tips for Parents from the Coach

• Soccer is a team sport.
• Our children made the team, not us.
• If you think your child is better than the other children on the team, congratulations -- you probably fall into the majority of soccer parents. However, this is largely irrelevant. (see #1 above)
• If you want your child to improve his/her skills and performance, then leave it to the coaches. The parents' jobs are to: pay, drive and offer positive support.
• If you think you can offer good advice to one of the coaches, then see the team manager and arrange to take the coaching certification exam. If you want to coach from the touchlines without coming to team practices, team meetings, team camps, coaches clinics, coaches meetings ....., keep the thought to yourself until you can watch soccer on TV.
• Although coaching advice from parents is generally not appreciated, communication is very important. If anything at all is bothering your child, let the coach know as soon as possible so that he/she has an opportunity to adjust if possible to make your child's experience more rewarding and enjoyable. If you really want to destroy a team, tell everyone ... but the coach about your child's problem. Talk about it and complain about it with the other parents all season and never let the one person who can fix it know there is a concern.
• If you think you can offer good advice to a game official... see #5 above.
• A soccer match is not won or lost by any child (see #1 above).
• To play well during the season, our children must come together as a team and support, communicate with and trust each other. The coaches and children will accomplish this if we don't undermine their efforts. However, if you disagree with the foregoing statements, undermining can be accomplished by using any of the following tactics: criticizing the efforts of your child, telling your child he/she is the most/least important and best/worst player on the team, telling your child that another child on the team is lousy or has deficiencies, yelling negative comments during practices or games, criticizing the decisions or strategies of the coaches, claiming that victory or defeat was the responsibility of any child.
• Follow the rules and use good judgment and everyone will have a great season.

"A Letter to His Parents"

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hope you won't get mad at me for writing this letter, but you always told me never to keep anything back that ought to be brought out into the open. So here goes...

Remember the other morning when my team was playing and both of you were sitting and watching? Well, I hope that you won't get mad at me, but you kind of embarrassed me. Remember when I went after the ball in front of the goal trying to score, and fell? I could hear you yelling at the defender for getting in my way and tripping me. It wasn't his fault. That is what he is supposed to do. Then, do you remember yelling at me to get over and cover Johnny's man? Well the coach told me to cover someone else and I wouldn't if I listened to you. While I tried to decide, they scored against us. Then you yelled at me for being in the wrong place. You shouldn't have jumped all over the coach for pulling me off the field. He is a pretty good coach and a good guy, and he knows what he is doing. Besides, he is just a volunteer, coming down at all hours of the day helping us kids just because he loves sports. Then, neither of you spoke to me the whole way home. I guess you were pretty sore at me for not scoring a goal. I tried awfully hard, but I guess I am a crummy soccer player.

But, I love the game, it's lots of fun being with the other kids and learning to compete. It is a good sport, but how can I learn if you don't show me a good example? And anyhow, I thought I was playing soccer for fun, to have a good time, and to learn good sportsmanship. I didn't know that you were going to get so upset because I couldn't become a star.

Love,

Your soccer player

The Parents Code

As a parent, you play a special role in contributing to the needs and development of youngsters. Through your encouragement and good example, you can help assure that all the boys and girls learn good sportsmanship and self-discipline. In AYSO, young people learn to work together, to sacrifice for the good of the team, to enjoy winning and deal appropriately with defeat - all while becoming physically fit and healthy. Best of all, they have fun.

SUPPORT YOUR CHILD Supporting your child by giving encouragement and showing interest in their team is very important. Help your child work toward skill improvement and good sportsmanship in every game. Teach your child that hard work and an honest effort are often more important than victory - that way your child will always be a winner despite the outcome of the game!

ALWAYS BE POSITIVE Parents serve as role models for their children. Become aware of this and work to be a positive role model. Applaud good plays by your child's team as well as good plays by the opposing team. Support all efforts to remove verbal and physical abuse from youth sports activities.

REMEMBER: YOUR CHILD WANTS TO HAVE FUN Remember that your child is the one playing soccer, not you. It's very important to let children establish their own goals - to play the game for themselves. Take care not to impose your own standards and goals on them. Don't put too heavy a burden on your child to win games. Surveys reveal that 72% of children would rather play for a losing team than ride the bench for a winning team. Children play for the fun of playing.

REINFORCE POSITIVE BEHAVIOR Positive reinforcement is the best way to help your child achieve their goals and their natural fear of failure. Nobody likes to make mistakes. If your child does make one, remember it's all part of learning, so encourage your child's efforts and point out the good things your child accomplished.

DON'T BE A SIDELINE COACH OR REFEREE Coaches and referees are usually parents just like you. They volunteer their time to help make your child's youth soccer experience a positive one. They need your support too. That means refraining from coaching or refereeing from the sidelines. As a volunteer organization, there's usually always an opportunity for you to take your interest in coaching or refereeing to the next level and become one yourself! Coaches and referees are usually parents just like you. They volunteer their time to help make your child's youth soccer experience a positive one. They need your support too.

About Pets...

We all love our dogs, but THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED on the fields, not during practice, not during games. In fact, dogs are not allowed in any of the public parks within the San Clemente City limits (except for Verde Park and Mira Costa Park where we do not practice) or on Capistrano Unified school district fields at any time. The presence of dogs on the field could lead to the city and/or school district revoking our permits. With kids running around and a lot of activity at AYSO events, the chances are very high that pets will be excitable and may cause injury or get injured. More than 4.7 million people are bitten by dogs annually, resulting in an estimated 800,000 injuries that require medical attention (CDC). Also, some parent and children have a fear of dogs.